From Fear to Faith

A moment of worry and fear towards

 the other lost and wandering

greet me in the morning.

I have forgotten already

"When thou art converted..."

I cannot be a rescuer if I have not been rescued,

healed and strengthened by the good words of God.

Fear enraptures and encompasses the weak.

I allow the debilitating effects of fear to distract me from peace.

In moments of weakness,

I feed those thoughts of fear

rather than allowing the nourishment of the milk

to provide sustenance.

Those thoughts become a stumbling block and I fall.

Truly the Shepherd knows His sheep.
He senses my fears.
I am still weak with distraction.
2 Nephi 18: 11-13

11 For the Lord spake thus to me with a strong hand, and instructed me that I should not walk in the way of this people, saying:

 13 Sanctify the Lord of Hosts himself, and let him be your fear, and let him be your dread.

I seek a bit of clarification about words

confederacy, sanctify...

(Compare Isaiah 8)

A brief synopsis in between the passages remind me:

-The Lord is in Control

-The Lord: a Sanctuary

-Trust in the Scriptures and the Lord's Prophet

The message and milk for today

Find refuge and peace in my Sanctuary

the Lord,

my Shepherd.

Give the Lord my worries, my fears, my dreads

Have Faith

Trust He is in control

Milk Before Meat

Rest for the weary.

Trust in the Shepherd.

Feast on His Words...

I desire to delve into the scriptures, 

but actually doing it seems to require too much energy from me...

and yet I know it is the very thing

that will strengthen me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

I look at the "Walking with the Savior"Book

by Rena Peterson.

It is beautiful...

I put it back on the shelf because I lack motivation.

Then words come into my mind:

"Milk, before Meat"

1 Corinthians 3:2

2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able.  

Wisdom and Order

Resting upon the shoulders

of the giver of peace,

I have ample time to ponder about Wisdom and Order.

To begin,

shift into focus...

if it is the Master I seek,

His face must be in the forefront.

I may not always answer my phone,

but I always have my phone with me.

My protective pink camouflage phone case 

became worn and weathered.

As I browsed the many creative designs,

I found one that promised ,

I would see His face.

"Focus on the 4 dots in the middle for 30 seconds. 

Then take a look at smooth single color wall (preferably white) and you should see a circle of light. 

Blink your eyes a few times and you will see Jesus."

For this moment,

I will open my heart,

my mind, 

my soul.

to be nurtured

by the Shepherd...

Footprints

Joyfully,

Jesus puts the lost sheep upon His shoulders...
When I think of someone that has been lost,
worry and fear can become emotionally draining.

To get up
and begin the journey again
may be
daunting.

Shame and guilt may cast a shadow on the thoughts:
"I am not worthy of rescue."
I want to be back on the path,
but the steps leading back
seem too
long and hard.


His extended hand
gently invites

Caroline Esplind spoke in church

and recounted the poem:

"Footprints in the Sand"

One night I dreamed a dream.

As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,

I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,

especially at the very lowest and saddest times,

there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it. 

"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,

You'd walk with me all the way.

But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,

there was only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me." 

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints,

It was then that I carried you."

- by Mary Stevenson

Thoughts begin to flow:

27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Mosiah 4:27

Undershepherd

As I listened to the instructor,

her words issued a call to find the Lost Sheep.

My heart began beating fast.

I have pondered this errand for many years.

Finally, I ask...

in the scriptures it is Jesus that leaves the ninety and nine to go after the one.

Jesus is the only one that can save the lost.

Isn't there anyone in here that worries as I do...

that in going after the lost,

 you too may become lost?

I don't want to be lost.

I feel like the last decade and it's challenges came as a result

of going after lost sheep.

Too many paths...

too many voices...

too many wolves in sheep's clothing.

She reminded me that the Lord is the only true shepherd

and the only one that has power to save.

But we can be His undershepherd.

Another sister responded with a scripture

Luke 22:32

 32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

Key points to remember:

Christ prays for me.

Specifically that my faith will not fail me.

He also suggests

that I must be converted and strong before strengthening others.

             Undershepherd: a lower-ranking shepherd who works under another shepherd.

              I am the unedershepherd working under the direction of the Master Shepehrd.

It does not say to leave the Shepherd to go after the lost...

It suggests that I work under His direction and with Him, 

 find the lost.

The instructor also made mention

that He left the ninety and nine...

but left WITH the ninety and nine into the wilderness.

It occurred to me...

maybe I was being found even in this very moment.

Finally, one other woman quoted Elder Uchtdorf

Wandering from the Shepherd

Years ago when I ventured this Walk With Jesus,

I did not foresee that I would become distracted.

I was on the path of following and learning from His footsteps.

My last post mentioned serving and the opportunities that

would unfold through a position I had accepted as a 4th grad teacher.

I allowed the great simplicities of life

to become trampled in the complexities of new programs,

advanced technology, challenged children,

my fears and self - defeating thoughts.

Soon, early mornings meant biking and updating a website

rather than reading my Walk With Jesus and the scriptures that accompanied

the topic for the week.

Then fatigue set in.

Too tired to talk ... period.

Prayers went by the wayside.

No matter how much time and energy,

how late I stayed at school,

I could never catch up.

Time with my husband and son became next to nothing.

There was always tomorrow and surely they would  understand.

Another year...

great students

but new challenges.

Deep down I knew that my Savior had never left my side.

I knew He was just waiting for me to ask for His help.

Paperwork started to stack up.

Laundry piled higher than the work that needed to be corrected.

I made the choice to stay home from church.

I could not believe how much I accomplished in those couple of hours.

Doing it once and realizing my productivity,

made it easier for me to do it again...and again.

Occasionally, I would gear up just enough energy to go to church,

but never just to nourish and nurture my spirit.

Some people are opposed to working on Sunday

and there I was bringing my work to church on Sunday.

I wanted to quit everything

and just plain start over...with the basics.

My Visit Teaching Companion deserved someone that would not

bring frustration to what was supposed to be relief

The Relief Society needed someone that they could count on.

That was not me.

I got behind on tithing.

My temple recommend expired.

The house was a mess.

Where was my refuge?

I paused for a moment of reflection.

I saw this quote

and it spoke volumes...

I was not taking the time to KNOW JESUS,

hence, I was not feeling even a drop of HIS peace.

I need JESUS.

He KNOWS me better than anyone else.

He KNOWS exactly what I need.

He understands unequivocally

the exact remedy to heal me...

the answers to the questions I have not even asked.

School is out for the summer.

I know, I do not want to be lost.

I still long for that awaited day...

His RETURN

I went to church by myself.

No papers to correct...no distractions.

The lesson in Relief Society

dealt with finding the lost...

4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.

 6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.